Bidets and Kids' Potty Training: Italians Do It Better
All you need to know about the important-issmo bidet in Italy
If you ask an Italian what they miss when they're not in Italy, they may tell you they miss the food or the caffè. Whatever, they say…
…what they really miss is the bidet. Fabio Farati’s video says it all.
You’re laughing but it’s REAL. After you live with a bidet it’s impossible to go back to life without one. Now imagine growing up with a bidet. To an Italian of any age, the bidet is as essential as running water or olive oil. Italians are very clean people. This overarching concept is called igene personale aka personal hygiene in Italian.
Setting the bidet scene
Let’s talk a little bit first about some bidet basics before we describe training for Italian children.
Bidet is the law in Italy
No, really. Bidets are legally required in bathrooms in Italian homes and have been since 1975. Article 7 of a Ministerial Decree states that “in each house, at least one bathroom must have the following fixtures: a toilet, a bidet, a bathtub or shower, and a sink”.
What is a bidet?
A bidet is like a sink positioned at similar height to a toilet so you can sit on it. Just like a sink, it has one or two handles to turn the water on and off and regulate water temperature and pressure. The bidet is primarily used for washing your bum after defecating. 💩 It usually has a moving spigot at the end of the spout so you can direct the water stream, which - think about it - is a fabulous feature.
hello, I’m a bidet and I’m fabulous
Fun fact: The bidet was invented in France in the 1700s, thus, the French name which means ‘pony’ or ‘little horse’. It became popular in brothels in Italy as it was mistakenly thought to prevent pregnancy. Oops.
Bidets are hygiene
The bidet is part of a larger bathroom hygiene setup.
The bidet:
is usually positioned immediately next to the toilet, so you can easily move from the toilet to the bidet with your pants down
usually has it’s own designated soap
has a small towel positioned over it or next to it. Kids (and everyone!) are taught to use just this one towel for the bidet and not for other things. **This is the Bidet Towel. This towel is used to dry your bum after you wash it. Pay attention: Do not mistake it for a hand towel to dry your hands.
Note: There is also always a toilet brush next to the toilet. After you do your business, you are expected to scrub off any evidence of your business and flush again to leave the toilet clean. I say it again, Italians are very clean people, wonderfully clean.
Bidet training for kids
In Italy, just as children are potty trained, they are also trained to use the bidet. Here’s how it goes:
As anyone knows, transitioning from diapers to autonomous potty or toilet use is a huge step in awareness and independence for children. So first up, potty training.
I was very lucky and had some help with my son, Matteo, here in Italy. When Matteo was 2 years old, I went back to work part-time so he attended nido or Italian day care, run by some nuns who lived in a villa under our house. We called them ‘the nunnies’. Many nidos would not accept children who weren’t potty trained, but the nunnies would. Then they would very calmly, with a lot of smiles, just kind of expect that the toddlers would BE potty trained. On Fridays when I went to pick up my very normal 2-year old boy from nido they would say, ‘ok, now don’t put a diaper on him all weekend’.
Nunnie mike drop. 🎤
The weekends at age 2 without diapers are another story. But in short, potty training in Italy is pretty much like potty training in the US, except sometimes there are nuns involved. On to bidet training...
Phase 1: Going through the motions
After children go number 2 on the potty, their sederino aka little butt is wiped with toilet paper or a flushable wet wipe before shifting them over to the bidet for a more complete cleaning. The bidet water is turned on and their bum is cleaned by hand with a combination of water and soap. Then their bum is dried with the bidet towel.
So children are already ‘using’ the bidet while they are potty training and know how to go through the motions even though the clean-up is being done for them.
As I mentioned my son was 2 years old when he started potty training, which means he about was 2 years old when he started getting familiarized with the bidet.
Phase 2: Bambini using the bidet by themselves
So there arrives this moment when Italian kids are fully potty trained, at around age 3 or 4, and go to the bathroom by themselves, but mamma and papà are still doing the bidet cleanup for the child. It’s a transitional phase. According to an Italian pediatrician website and an interview with a head teacher at a local scuola materna (Italian nursery school) here in Como, Italian kids are expected to start at least trying to clean themselves up autonomously after making a cacca 💩 at age 4 and to be independent before they start scuola elementare (Italian elementary school) at around age 5 or 6.
From the site, nostrofiglio, a popular Italian parenting website:
“From three years old: children can be taught to clean their private parts themselves after peeing, with a wipe or toilet paper
From four years old: the child can go to the bathroom alone and independently manage all the post-pee moments, while they will still get help for the more complicated ones (for example after defecation) from his mother or father so as to understand the correct procedure of cleaning.
From 5 years old and up: the child can be made independent in cleaning the bottom”
As we did a potty training chart for potty training, we also ended up doing a bidet reward chart to help encourage independence on this one as it’s easier to just let mamma or papà do the bidet cleanup, right?
At school: A fly in the ointment
By and large, Italian public bathrooms don’t have bidets. Consequently, Italian school bathrooms don’t have bidets. Children are taught how to wipe themselves clean without a bidet as well. My son’s scuola del infanzia teacher shared this brilliant tutorial she found online for teaching this skill. Come pulirsi il sederino / How to clean one’s little bum: here
How do you sit on a bidet?
Bidet position #1: Facing forward, objective: clean the booty
Pandy, the panda bear demonstrates the most common position below. Pandy will need to reach behind for the soap and to turn on the water, then use his paw to clean his bum. He will then dry his bottom with The Bidet Towel, wash his paws with soap at the sink, and go about his day.
Bidet position #2: Back-facing straddle, objective: clean the private parts
There is a secondary use for the bidet, cleaning the genitals. The bidet can be a substitute for a bath or shower. As boys in Italy are not circumcised, this nightly ritual is extra important to clean the foreskin. For girls, the bidet can be especially helpful for cleanup when menstruating.
I hope you find this interesting and helpful even if you just come to Italy for a visit!
Ciao for now!
x Lolly
I have also heard that Italian people use bidets for many other things, eg wiping up little kids after eating, washing delicates, washing sandy feet, etc. In this way I think of it more like an extra tub.
This is splendid. I also have come to love the bidet and this house in Germany came with one, which is highly unusual.
Americans find the bidet an amusing place to wash their underwear or sweaters ( evidenced by me in our BnB and also I think something that Frances Mayes referenced in UTTS?).
I'm convinced, though, Italian bums are cleaner than American bums!
I love the teaching etiquette!